Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
