He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
