all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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