I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
