Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize