I can text with my tongue
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
