literally had 100 drinks last night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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