He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
