I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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