I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
