he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
People in love make me want to vomit
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
