And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
