I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
