youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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