no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
