Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
