I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
