If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
