Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
