you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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