I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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