I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
