he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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