Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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