I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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