Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
