just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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