Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
