he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
