Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
