I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
