What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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