im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
