If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize