i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
