Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
