the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Green mimosas i think yes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
