he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
