Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
