physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
