k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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