Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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