I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
