i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
