lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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