I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
