Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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