Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
