i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
