i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
