i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
