Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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