she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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