if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
