Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
