k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
