Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
