census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
