So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
