he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
