Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
