there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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