you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
