I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
