Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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