I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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