We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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