I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
