I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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