my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
