i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
