I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
