I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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