it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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