FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
