Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sobbing to NWA
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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