you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
