is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
