That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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