Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
