You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
