i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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