You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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