Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
