i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
