In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
