why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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